Open Letter

An Open Letter to All the Critters that Live Around My House:

First, let me apologize for all the recent construction. I know it is quite disturbing, emotionally, to watch your home be ravaged by large yellow smoke-emitting pieces of equipment. Change is often hard. There is plenty of forest and you will find that special new home you are seaching for. And don't you worry...you'll make new friends quickly. You're not the first to go through this difficult journey. Seek out the advice of others on how to best adapt.

Which brings me to my next point. You might feel finding a human's home to provide temporary residency is the ideal situation, but let me caution you...it never ends well. You might find your way in, but unfortunately, the exit isn't so easy. Trust me on this one....many have gone before you and entered in my MY walls, and one of your own is currently living out its last days. How do I know, you might ask? Because it smells like the biggest poopy diaper has been hidden in my house...in my wall. And frankly, it is quite embarrassing. A nice hollow log is a much better choice. I urge to consider this option.

You might also think you need to seek out protection in the way of varmit gangs. I also much discourage you from this option as the initiation is brutal. Why do you think all those young squirrels and opossum run across the street just as the cars are coming? Coincidence? I think not. And we all know The Vultures have the ultimate power.

I leave you with this. Stick together and enjoy all that The Reserve behind my house has to offer. Don't take the easy way out....take the time to seek out a perfect spot for you and your group and build your lair out of materials that will last. It worked for the 3rd of the Three Little Pigs. Learn from their planning and perseverance.

I am FOR you, not AGAINST you.
A Homeowner Who Cares

PS- Could you also encourage the Armadillos to dig their big fat trenches OUTSIDE of my fence? I'd be so grateful.